Little Bill (Polhemus, Jr., that is)
March 29, 2009 | Funny | Comments [9]
I found a letter that I wrote from Germany to my parents, and immediately misplaced it again in the files, but maybe I can remember something that I wrote in it about Little Bill. It was written in about May or June of 1960. Bill was approximately two years and 8 or 9 months old. Buddy was 5 or 6 months old.
Bill hated having to drink his milk. He could come up with all kinds of excuses.
Bill: “Mommy, I can’t drink my milk, there is a snake in it.”
Me: “That’s alright, Bill. Go ahead and drink your snake. (thinking I would pull a fast one on him, and he would have to drink his milk.)
He stared at his glass, and then started to get down from the table.
Me: “Hold on there! Did you drink your snake?”
Bill: “Yes, it’s all gone.”
He pulled the fast one, because sure enough….there was no snake in the glass….just milk.
We were in the PX, and a strange lady said,”Hi, Bill.” Bill said, “Hi”. And actually smiled.
When we got home, I asked Bill who the lady was. “Nothing”, he said. “Bill”, you must know the lady has a friend your age. Do you play with her little boy? What’s his name?”
“Bobby Shafto.” said Bill. (Bobby Shafto was the name of one of Bill’s favorite poem’s in his book of children’s poetry. “Bobby Shafto has gone to sea; a silver buckle on his knee; he’ll come home and marry me; pretty Bobby Shafto.” I can’t believe I remember that poem. Or maybe that isn’t even right. Anyway. I said, “No, Bill. that’s a poem you like. What is your friend’s name?”
Bill: “Hiawatha.”
I gave up.
Suppen! Sample!
March 25, 2009 | Funny, Uncategorized | Comments [11]
Hey, bet you werent specting me, were you? I wants ta show you’z something…z..zzzz You’ll like it!
I sit by the fire
Warming my fur
With my Person
I lick my whiskers
and sigh,
Content
My Person’s lap
is warm
“Pet my fur,” I tell him
He smiles,
And obeys
I settle on his leg
His right one, not left
For the left pants leg has
A stain,
And I do not
Wish to touch it.
My Person is very good at
Stroking
And I close my eyes,
Green and Blue
His hand strokes my
Soft grey fur
With a green tinge,
And a Blue hue
All the colors
Of the Rain
There is a sound
At the door
That is now lit
By the fire
My ear twitches
It comes again
“Scratch! Scrape!” it says
My Person shifts Under my paws
He picks me up
Setting me
Onto the ground
“Stay Rain,” He says,
for that is my name
And he goes to
The door
The sound is
Familiar.
The sound
Of sharpened Claws
It is stormy outside
And it is
Wet
And I do not wish
To go outside,
Though I am Rain
But I am curious
of the scratching
And follow
My Person opens
The wood door
There is a Creature
Very wet,
With a strange coat
I arch my back,
And hiss
A Wild cat!
A Wild cat at my door!
One with a golden coat,
and spots
The Wild cat hisses back
at me,
As would a snake
But then calms
and purrs
and rubs against
My Person’s legs
Later on
I learn;
The cat was not wild
She is a Savannah
And has wild ancestors
Her legs are long,
and ears are large
We become friends
While my person searches
For her people
She sits with us
By the fire.
I sit on my Person’s lap
On both legs
For Shia, the Savanna knows
He is my Person
and his lap is mine
And I am the only one allowed,
To be stroked in it.
Te he…
PS. It was my Birthday! It was my Birthday! I’m 13! Yay! Boo! I cant decide! I’ll just eat my M&M’s and think bout it later…
McCain Picks Rohrbach!
August 29, 2008 | Funny, Politics | Comments [1]
Hey, guys, does John McCain’s new running mate remind you of anyone we all know (and love)?
Have a Great Kick-Off!
April 27, 2008 | Funny | Comments [5]
AFTER ALL, WHO KNOWS BETTER THAN MORTICIANS THE IMPORTANCE
OF HAVING A LITTLE FUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN!
Hey, Lainie: Remember the little fat kid in MonroevilleLuverne, AL, who told you “Today’s Fun Day?”
You have to tell that story.
Remember This On Your Birthday(s)
April 26, 2008 | Funny | Comments [7]
DON’T DOWNLOAD MUSIC ILLEGALLY!
He’s My Daddy!!
March 29, 2008 | Funny | No Comments
Jason’s little nephew, Nathanial, came to Jordan’s party. He’s five years old. He loves Jason, and went over and climbed up in his lap. He needs a lot of love, evidentally, because his mother left the family a year ago. (That part is not funny)
Anyway, they were sitting on the back porch, and I walked into the den, because Teyla was rolling on the floor, kicking and screaming, “He’s my daddy! He’s my daddy!”
I asked her what was the matter, and she told me that she wasn’t talking to me, and Luis went in to see, and she told him that she wasn’t talking to him, either. She continued to roll and cry, “he’s my daddy!”
Finally, I think it was Luis that went out to get Jason. Jason came in and picked Teyla up. He reassured her that he was her daddy, but that Nathanial was her cousin, and that he was Nathanial’s uncle, and that he loved him. He explained that it was okay to love more than one person. He said, “I’ll always be your daddy, Teyla.”
Finally, she seemed okay, and she went on off to play.
Money-Saving Tip No. 384
March 19, 2008 | Funny | Comments [3]
“A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.”
NEW ELEMENT DISCOVERED!
March 19, 2008 | Funny | Comments [3]
A Press Release from the Office of Beth Rohrbach, Our Family’s Only Remaining Federal Employee:
Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neuron, 25 assistant neurons, 88 deputy neurons, and 198 assistant deputy neurons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; it does not decay, But instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neurons and deputy neurons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neurons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Governm entium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
See the old folks
March 11, 2008 | Funny | Comments [2]
Thought I would share rare footage of Luis B. and I before our date to the Addy awards. We actually got to go out twice that weekend, which I am sure increased our love a hundred fold! Then he delayed my plans to carpet the back room last weekend and we are back to square one. What’s a guy and gal to do?
p.s. I missed the proposed date for the reunion. could someone email it to me?
Thanks, Julie
The Dog Is Man’s Best Friend!
March 5, 2008 | Funny | Comments [1]
If you need convincing, try this little thought experiment:
Take your dog, and your wife, and lock them both in the trunk of your car. Two hours later, let them both out.
Now, which one do you think’s going to be happy to see you?
Start Feb w/ a smile
February 1, 2008 | Funny | Comments [3]
OK, I rarely laugh in February… here’s something to start the Leap year month off right:)
The Atheist and the Bear -
An Atheist was walking through the woods.
“What majestic trees”!
“What powerful rivers”!
“What beautiful animals”!
He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the
bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear
charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder &
saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He
tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but
saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his
left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the Atheist cried out, “Oh my God!”
Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.
“You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don’t exist
and even credit creation to cosmic accident.”
“I am however merciful and all forgiving to those who have proven their faith in me. How would you like me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer”?
The atheist looked directly into the light, “It would be hypocritical
of me to suddenly call myself a Christian and expect all the blessings to flow to me as one that has proven their faith, I know that your animal creations are all innocent and without sin in that innocence. Perhaps you could evoke Christian qualities in the BEAR so we both might grow from this experience”?
“Very Well,” said the voice.
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear
dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head &
spoke:
“Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty
through Christ our Lord, Amen.”
Just to clear the air. . .
January 31, 2008 | Funny | Comments [3]
<>My husband greatly exaggerated the story of oatmeal fudge cookies for dramatic effect. Which looked like it worked out great for me, you all are so nice! All I really said was that I was too tired on Sunday to make cookies (not realizing at this time that oatmeal fudge cookies are no-bake) and all I had energy for was to spread boxed brownies in a pan. We did find a recipe on allrecipes.com, but since they still have cocoa, we still might need suggestions for literally clearing the air–Glade air freshner anyone?
<>Love, Julie
<>p.s. good luck Crystal! What a special day is ahead of you! Our thoughts and prayers are with you, and give kisses to James Michael!
Make Like A Tree Comics
January 30, 2008 | Funny | No Comments
Hey, Ben! Ever heard of these guys?
They just, I dunno, made me think of you. Go figure.
Maybe a little too much Harry Potter?
January 18, 2008 | Funny, Kid Brag | Comments [5]
So, some time last week, Mom, Teyla and I were hanging out in the ‘office’. Teyla looked at the chandelier and thought there was a spider. When mom and I looked, there was no spider, however there could have been with so many cobwebs. So, we decided to clean the chandelier. Teyla immediately went and got the broom to try to sweep it. Well, I found the feather duster and told her we were going to use it instead since it would be easier and more effective. Teyla looked at the feather duster, looked at the broom looked at Nana, handed her the broom and said, “Go fly somewhere!”