Coal wars chapter 4
October 1, 2008 | Check-in, Uncategorized
I ran through the brush, listening to the quick steps of Rosalin’s feet. Wind blew fiercely through the trees, and the leaves howled at the hard touch, as if they wanted me to loose the sound of her feet. I jumped over a log. I felt something warm and slimy under my left paw. I lifted it up to my nose and recognized the scent immediately. Blood. Rosalin’s blood no less. I began the worrying. “Artek! Where are you?!” I heard Susan and Katie’s voices not far behind me. I shot forward. If I stopped for even a moment, I would loose Rose.
Eventually I could barely hear her and I tracked her by scent instead. She was always the fastest runner, and faster still when upset. I had known Rose ever since we were kits, so I knew a lot about her. And, naturally I suppose, I wanted to protect her. Her scent became stronger, and I heard soft crying. I speed up immediately. I began to slow down again when I felt her presence nearby. I recognized where we were by the smell. She had run all the way to the edge of the border to the forest. The air was crisp and the grass crunched loudly under my paws, it was dryer here then further into the forest. I went up to the tree I felt her against a tree. I walked and sat next to her silently. She was crying to loud to here me. I heard her mumble something. “Its all my fault… its all my fault…” she said in a weak voice.
I turned to her and flicked my ear to see if I got any reaction. She gasped and the wind swooshed as she turned her head to face me. I could just imagine her face; the tan fur on her face would be all ruffled up and her dark brown eyes, almost red, would be pink and puffy. Tears would be rolling down the sides of her cheeks. I smelt the dried blood on her face and bent down closer to lick the wound. It was the only way I felt helpful at the moment. I felt her face heat up, and it confused me. She had started doing that ever since I had lost my eyes, and she never did it we were kits. I licked the blood off the wound and moved so I was more comfortable. She started to tear up again. She lowered her head on my shoulder and sobbed. “I-I’m sorry A-Artek…” “What for?” I asked, turning my head down to her. “For yelling at you like that. I was just mad at father and…” “Don’t worry about it. I could feel that you were angry, and I understand that it got a bit out of control. It wasn’t your fault that I jumped in and you felt the need to let your anger out on me. I should be the one saying sorry,” I told her. I wanted her to feel better, and I felt like I was the one making her cry in the first place. I felt her head turn to look at me. I wish I could have seen her face, because I felt she was still a bit sad, but also confused and guilty. “Its still my fault. I should have been able to control my emotions. Everything is my fault…” “No. No its not Rose, and you need to stop thinking that,” I told her firmly. She sniffled. “But Artek-” “If you’re thinking about my eyes, I’ve told you a million times, it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anyones fault, it was an accident.” I said, gently nuzzling her ear.
It was a few minutes before I felt that she had calmed down.I grabbed each side of her and helped her up. “Now, don’t you think it would be best if we went to find the others? I’m sure they’re wondering where we are.” “Katie’s probably got Crow flying and looking for us,” she said chuckling. I was glad she felt better. “Do you mind leading the way?” I asked her. I was still a bit unfamiliar with this area, and if she went first I would remember it better. “Sure, why not,” she said, and started running for the others. It was about two minutes before we came to the log. She jumped over it and I followed. ~Five hops from moss scent~ I thought, memorizing the area so I would remember later.
We soon entered the busier part of the forest, and I could hear the others calling for us. Sounds flooded my ears. The sound of Unosqirs looking for nuts and berries, a few frogs were by the small puddle a few bounds north… the sound of a nesting family of blue jays not to far. “Rosy! Artek!” Katie’s voice chimed in my ears. Her voice was like the sound of someone playing a leaf whistle. It tickled my ears, but in a good way. “Rosalin, Artek, are you guys around?” I heard Or-Tal ask before yawning. Her voice was low and steady, soft against my ears. I heard Rosalin jump through some bushes. “Oh, there you are!” Katie said, suprised. I jumped and landed next to her soon after. “Oh, and Artek too,” she said. I felt her come closer to us. A thump on the ground; Susan had jumped off her head. She ran over to Rosalin and jumped onto hers. “Sorry about your dad and everything,” she said in her small voice. Her voice kind of tickled like Katie’s, but it was also high pitched, and so when she was to loud, it was very annoying.
Rosaline sighed. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll get over it…” she said, her voice drifting. “But what if he really does make us all fight?” Or-Tal said. I could feel her close behind me. I just stood there, listening to the conversation. I didn’t really talk when it was all us like this, just when it was Rose and I. I heard distant wing beats. “Crow’s coming back,” I warned. A few seconds later I heard wing beats and feet. “Well, I couldn’t- oh… there you two are,” he said. His voice was dark and menacing, but calming in a weird way. The tips of his wings dragged as he walked over. I heard him ruffle the feathers on them. “So what we gonna do about all this?” he asked. I could hear the distaste in his voice. “We gonna fight or what?” It was quiet. “I’m going home guy’s. See ya later… I guess,” Rose said. She speed up before anyone could say anything about the matter. Susan had jumped off her head when she left. “I wonder whats wrong,” Katie asked. “Let her blow off steam,” Crow said, shrugging it off. “Better she bites her own head off then ours.” With that, he flew off, his wings beating growing fainter and fainter. Katie huffed. “‘Better she bites her own head off then ours!’” Katie squeaked, badly imitating Crow’s voice. I probably would have laughed if not for the fact that I felt like I was going to throw up. Something Rosaline said made me uncomfortable. “You know what guys… I’m heading for home too. See ya!” I said, turning and running for home. They didn’t say anything.
I was awaken by the rustle of leaves. It was now nightime and I was sleeping in my den beside my cousin. I streached and flicked my ear. I was going to see what Rose was doing ealryer, but I had to help at home and didn’t have the time. I streched a bit more as I quietly slinked out of the tunnles. I had memorized every twist and turn about this place. I soon felt cool air blowing and know I was by one of the three exits we had, hopfuly the one closest to the sound. I emerged to be covered in a blanket of cold. I shivered and raised my ears a bit. Everything seemed quiet enough… There was a crack about 12 yards away. A twig snapping? I slowly walked over to the sound. I heard the sound of feet creeping slowly and quietly past the area. I sniffed and followed the scent, trying to be as quite as possible. It smelt like… tree sap? What was tree sap walking around at this time of night? Wait… I smelt leather too. Water, bread, seeds, glass, herbs, the strong scent of medicine and… I stepped into a small clearing. I recognized it by the fell of rough rocks and slightly damp soil. I was by Spearow pond. I felt the presence on the other side of the clearing, and I sniffed. A familiar scent filled my nose, covered in a mask of tree sap. I heard a sharp intake of breath. “…Rosaline…?”
Srry if its short, but I was running out of ideas. Its hard to do Artek’s point of view! I mean, I’m no blind, so I don’t really know how to describe things I can not see. Please message at least telling me I did well on his POV, and I’ll feel better. It took me a while just to finish writing this one. Urg…
Plz message, or I will send you sad… =3~
4 Responses to “Coal wars chapter 4”
I think you did an incredible job of explaining Ar-Tek’s Point of View. I could picture it so well. You have a definite gift for being descriptive in your writing. For instance, when you gave the description of the crow coming and his “wing beats”. i liked that. I also like the little creature called “Susan”. That’s a comical part of your story. She’s funny the way she jumps on one head, and then the other. It must be very annoying to everyone. But they are patient with her. And Ar-Tek is such a gentle and patient creature, partly because of his blindness, and what he has had to endure because of it. It’s sad that Rose still blames herself. I hope whe will get over that later in your story.
You have definitely created a cliffhanger…please get on with it. i’m anxious to read!!!
By mother on Oct 2, 2008
You are doing much better at creating a 1st person point of view. Very descriptive AND I must say that Artek would be a difficult character to portray in any medium but you are doing him a great justice. He is still VERY interesting to follow. This is great work Jordan.
By Bud on Oct 10, 2008
Good Job Jordan
By maria on Oct 14, 2008
I really liked the switch to Artek’s POV – very clever. And the hint at how he became blind. You need to make sure to proofread this section – you had quite a few grammatical and spelling errors. You did a good job describing things from a blind perspective as well. i image it is difficult seeing as you’ve never been blind. you should spend one weekend walking around the house blindfolded! NO Cheating!
By maria on Oct 14, 2008