BUDDY: Update on Fred Polhemus Sr.
July 22, 2008 | Ancestry
I thought this message from BUDDY was important enough to receive a post of its own, rather than just as part of Buddy’s response regarding Beth:
I went to UAB Hospital to sit with Fred Polhemus Saturday Night (Bill Polhemus SR’s oldest brother). He probably won’t be with us through the end of the week. The cancer is everywhere. His son Rick was there with his wife and daughter Stephanie (25 yrs old). Though humor abounded (Fred has a sense of humour drier than the Sahara Desert) and everyone was glad to see one another (I haven’t seen my cousin Rick in 20 years) this is never the situation one chooses to get back together. Fred hugged me and kissed my hand and said he was so glad to see me. Rick told me that the night before, Bill SR had to go out in the hallway to cry because Fred had just thanked his little brother for all the wonderful things he had done for him and his family over the years and Fred told him that he loved him. If you have ever known Fred, you’d know that was NOT his natural way of expressing himself.
I spent Sunday evening at the home of Bill Polhemus SR’s sister, Amanda Lemay. Jacob and I went over to eat with Bill SR with his wife Sarah, Amanda with her husband Bobby, the other sister Mary with her husband Ben and Fred’s wife Beverly. Believe me when I say that loud get togethers are not just specific to Pagan get togethers. Bill SR was his jovial self, Amanda tooled around and hostessed as best she could and Mary sat on the couch to converse. They talked about everything and Mary turned to me and she asked me why my mother, Elaine never became a writer. I told her that Mom writes quite often now, why would she wonder that. Mary said that while she and Ben were stationed in Japan she used to get the most glorious letters from Mom. They were so detailed you could see and smell everything she was describing. I told Mary that Mom still writes that way and has several Grand daughters that have the same gift. Those letters came to Mary 50 years ago and she still remembered them fondly.
Anyway, the point of my own novel here was to say… let’s enjoy this upcoming opportunity. Let’s hug and bless one another while we can and while we are all still healthy and happy and earthbound. Let’s have some good memories cause the Grandkids will be talking about this when they get together in 2058:)
The very moment that has just passed by
It’s gone forever you can laugh or cry
In our memories we fall or fly …away
8 Responses to “BUDDY: Update on Fred Polhemus Sr.”
Buddy, I’m afraid I had no idea that Uncle Fred was that sick. Somehow, Dad (Bill Sr.) tends to “forget” to pass on this information.
I hope we’ll be able to get there before he passes away.
Thanks for the update.
By bill on Jul 22, 2008
I wouldn’t have found out if Lainie hadn’t called me the other day and asked me to call Dad as he needed some cheering up because Fred was so sick… SEEE…. thank the lord for Lainie… she’s everywhere.
By Bud on Jul 22, 2008
Nancy called me earlier today from home and let me know I ought to check your comment, as I hadn’t seen it yet. (I guess she’s everywhere, too).
It occurred to me while she and I were talking, that this would be the first one of our parents’ families (not counting Mother’s brother James Chapman who died in childhood) to pass away.
The Pagans have already experienced this several times already, regrettably, but because Mom was the eldest and Dad (Bill Sr.) the younger by just a few years of the children in their family, they’re only now arriving at their “threescore and ten,” near the end of natural life.
Again, I hope Uncle Fred can manage to remain just another week longer – though I would not wish him any more pain than he’s already had to bear.
Let us know how things are with him.
By bill on Jul 22, 2008
Somehow, I thought all of you knew the condition of your uncle. I called your Dad on Sunday night, because Lainie called me and asked me to do it. She said that her Dad needed some cheering up. But Bill, Sr. said they had crossed the worst part of it, and that was “acceptance” They knew they had already lost their loved one.
I have to say again that I have never seen four siblings more bonded than the Polhemus four. They loved and adored each other beyond anything most of us can understand. I am sad to say that Alex and I don’t have that same closeness. We love each other, of course, but we never really bonded.
Thank you, Bill, for posting Buddy’s comments. They are beautifully written. I’m glad Fred was conscious enough to respond to everyone. When i talked to Bill, he was mostly just asking for something for the pain, so that he could sleep.
If you should see Mary this weekend, Bill, tell her I found a letter that she wrote to me from Marryville just a few months ago. If I could only find it now, I could give it to her.
By mother on Jul 22, 2008
I spoke to Dad (Bill Sr.) this morning on the way in to work. I got the following items:
1) They are trying some sort of radical chemotherapy right now on Uncle Fred. The prognosis isn’t good, but they haven’t exhausted all possibilities.
2) The problem started either in his colon or his liver. At this point the cancer is in both locations.
3) Uncle Fred is one of these people about whom it is said he “wasn’t ever sick a day in his life.” Because of that he has never been in the habit of going to the Doctor just for routine “wellness” exams. Had he undergone a colonoscopy a few years back this likely would have been detected and treated then. As it is, he’s in final stage.
4) Dad seems to think Uncle Fred may last at least through next week because of the chemo, so he advised that we just make our trip as we planned (leaving early on Wednesday, one week from today). We will stop by Birmingham so that Nancy and I can visit the hospital.
5) As a result of the above, we may impose on Beth, and have the kids (plus Julia) come and stay at her place a few hours. By that time they’ll probably be ripe for a nap so that they will be okay for the rest of the trip. I’ll try to remember to call Beth beforehand, but mention this to her just in case. I hate to impose, but this is urgent of course.
Lastly, this should be a clue for those of us who’re approaching the half-century mark: Get checked out. Nancy and I have had colonoscopies within the last year. Mine was clean; Nancy’s revealed a polyp that could have caused her problems several years down the road. It was removed and biopsied, and showed non-cancerous.
We have this wonderful investigative medical technology now. Despite what the idiot Democrats tell you, we have the best medical care in the WORLD, bar none, and we should take advantage of that great blessing.
An ounce of prevention is STILL worth a pound (or more) of cure!
Love.
By bill on Jul 23, 2008
I had it in my head that you and Nancy, Bill, would be checking in at Desoto on Sunday, july 27th, same as us. Guess you’ll come in later. I hope you get to see your Uncle Fred, that is, if he is being made comfortable. I hope it’s different than it was with my mother in 1961. She suffered horribly.
It’s difficult to make the call. Do you want him to go through anymore pain than necessary? Or do you just want to accept the facts, and allow him to go quietly and comfortably, when it is an absolute fact that he will never get out of that bed and function again. Not without divine intervention. Will the chemo make him sick??
Is that going to add to his discomfort? Will it make him well again, or just add a few weeks to his life? What are the options? I think they look pretty dismal. It’s like trying to decide if the plug should be pulled.
I talked to Beth, and she went up to see him today, but he was asleep the whole time. His wife was there. They have been married for 21 years, and her first husband died of cancer. Her second husband killed himself, and one of her sons was electrocuted. She’s had a rough life, except for the wonderful years with Fred, and now she has to give him up. She’s been through a lot, but I think she’s a member of a wonderful family that will shield her and take care of her. That is, if I know Amanda and Bill, and I think I do.
By mother on Jul 23, 2008
Mom, we’re just pressed for time, etc. Never fear; we’ll be in Birmingham by early afternoon on Wednesday, and at the park by that evening.
Love.
By bill on Jul 24, 2008
Unless, of course, my gall bladder decides to make like the chest-burster on “Alien”…
By bill on Jul 26, 2008