Just a little note about Mom and Dad
February 21, 2008 | Uncategorized
NOTE: I wrote this as a response to mom’s thoughts in Carmen’s “don’t call me grandma!” post. But it sort of grew to include everybody. So don’t read this till you read mom’s comments to Carmen’s post.
Last Sunday, I was in Sacrament and the High Councilor was talking.
I was contemplating a nap.
He was quoting scriptures that used words like “firm” and “greatly desired” and “devotion” and counciling us to do the same. I felt onorous toward his comments and the implication that what I was doing wasn’t good enough, and in my mind I began reasoning that his council was too “hard” and that he should encourage/be proud of what people could do, not make them feel as though they weren’t doing enough.
It sounded reasonable.
But the word “hard” would not let me agree with myself. And as soon as I thought that, other questions entered my mind, “Why shouldn’t I be more firm?” I thought, “What is wrong with the council to be more diligent, more devoted, and to greatly desire good things? Is my attitude so perfect it can’t stand a little looking at, a little challenge?” Of course the answer was obvious after that. My initial attitude was selfish and destructive disguised as sound reasoning with a little prideful arrogance to sooth my guilty heart. When I started to consider his words carefully I felt the honesty of his council and a stronger desire to follow it. It was good council and the spirit told me the truth of it.
My point is: Mom, and I guess anyone else, whatever struggles I’ve had in life, I learned very early to recognize the love, wisdom and strength that comes from my parents honest heartfelt council.
Dad’s “should” would have driven me crazy had I not known that every word of council he said was directly linked to the love and great desire to see me happy, sentiments not always said with his words, but always with his deeds. Knowing that, his council became guideposts. My father’s “shoulds” were wisdom I later used to steer me through MANY dangerous canyons. He is a great man to me and I love him everyday for it.
And lest she think herself less than my father, which would be a mistake 
I would just like to say I would not understand nor appreciate words or concepts like sacrifice, devotion, hope, joy, righteouss desire, humility, repentance, endurance, unconditional love, charity, kindness and patience were it not for a mother who taught me in my youth so much of what those things mean. And it wasn’t because she was perfect, or that we had a perfect home, but by doing ALL those things despite her imperfections, despite every reason sane people would consider justified not too, despite physical and emotional roller coasters she never saw coming, much less deserved. She did those things despite herself, and is still doing them, and I know will always till she can do them no more.
My mother loves her children, and has thus taught me to recognize the Savior. And for that reason, she is the most beautiful person I know. And she deserves to know it.
I hope Julie and I can honor you by equaling your efforts.
Do NOT doubt the strength of the roots that run in every part of our family mom. Mistakes are part of EVERY PERSON’S life no matter where or to whom they were born. The spirit resides with our family and you are helping to keep it that way with your love, prayers, and tender devoted heart.
To my family, it seems awkward to write this and not get a chance to say it, but the small things said here have helped me appreciate and love my family more. I feel VERY fortunate to have such a large and diverse family, full of wonderful people who have so MUCH, but at times, so little, in common. I say “so little” to mean we are spread over a quarter of this country, ages ranging (besides mom & dad) from 50 to newborn, jobs varying from financially “successful” to “not so much” 
. Yet within all those different paths is this touchstone of religion and the question “what does it mean?” We all share that question, and it drives us to find an answer, as it should. And we are lucky to have it do so and fortunate to have had parents that taught us, however they could, that it is a question that matters.
This world is becoming sharp. The evils and terrors that have so long floated on the periphery of our/my vision are fast coming into focus. They present themselves boldly and apologize for nothing. Shame is a weak weapon and the perverse has found acceptance not only in WAY too many young hearts and minds, but in the structure of our laws and the reasoning of our leaders. It is not enough to only seek peaceful and undisturbed lives in homes protected by walls and the principled ideals that this country was founded on. Those walls, physical and reasoned, aren’t enough anymore. They can no longer keep the evils of the world out without due diligence on our parts to strengthen them.
And sometimes not even then. It scares me, as I’m sure it does you.
And the more I understand it, the more I realize that the honest and true answers to these problems lay in spiritually awakening ourselves and the people around us.
And I guess.. well, I guess I would join in my mothers hopes for my family, and express with her that if you have felt the desire for spiritual things, if you feel as though someone is urging you to “awaken”, then do so. Do so like you’ve never done before. It is a GOOD time to pursue that desire. You are RIGHT for thinking so.
That’s not arrogance, just admitting my own “awakenings” and the desires it has produced to have my family be happy. That is the spirit in which I say it, I hope it is the one in which it is taken.
-Luv you all
L
11 Responses to “Just a little note about Mom and Dad”
Ben, (Its hard not to say Benny), I just woke up it is 5:30 a.m. and I am getting ready for work and I just read your thoughts, I am not good at writing and I so thank you for writing the things I feel in my heart as well it brought tears to my eyes and will make my day so much better , I love you . Lainie
By lainie on Feb 21, 2008
You know, sometimes I come in and read things here and take no notice of the scribe until I run across something that puzzles me. That’s when I look up at the top and notice who penned it and many times the puzzlement fades because I see WHO is speaking and certain backdrops and perspectives come into focus. I have to tell you Ben. I read this whole post twice and pondered it and the third time I looked at the bottom of the page and said to myself “Now, why did BILL sign this as ‘L’?” Of course, you can imagine my shift in reality as it occurred to me that this was not a post from Bill but, one from my youngest brother.
Now, I realize that this is a semi-public forum and I don’t want to embarass you or anything but, can you at some point in your humble little life sit back and be a just a tiny bit proud of yourself! You see these kinds of internal ponderings that result in textual outbursts are just the kind of thing that tips the balance in one’s wrestle to ‘waken’ that tiny ‘other realm’ entity inside us to steer their human a little more precisely. Just to brag on you a bit. I have an EX who has confided in me on numerous occasions that she cannot be in your presence for any great length of time without having tears come to her eyes and she cannot explain why. Of course I know why.
By Bud on Feb 21, 2008
Now..there is Maria who must give her viewpoint of her brother, Ben. It makes her cry to be in his presence for very long, too. But for a different reason than Melissa!! When we got up on the day he was to be married. Remember, Johnny Giles had offered his home for us to stay in for the whole time that we were there in St. Luis, because his wife and son were away at the time. And Johnny wasn’t going to be there very much. (Johnny was a Captain in the Army) Anyway, Ben got up, and saw that Maria was sleeping peacefully on a mattress in the dining room. He tiptoed in and pounced right on top of her. She screamed, “MOTHER! Get Ben off of me!” Then I think the pillow fight started, and they began to run through the house. They sounded like a herd of elephants. (thank goodness Johnny was long gone).
I don’t know where Luis was. Probably outside checxing out the car. I had to break up the fiasco, and I screamed at Ben, “You have exactly six hours to MATURE!!
Anyway…just thought I would offer that little bit of information to water down Ben’s Sainthood.
The “L” stood for Luis, because that is what his beautiful wife, Julie, calls him.
By mother on Feb 22, 2008
Yes but I was still thinking last night after reading Buddy’s thoughts that “King Benjamin”was indeed the correct name for him, and it has never escaped my mind that you told me that his patriarchal blessing said he would live a long,long time did I hear that right?? Its hard for me not to call him little Benny because as an older child I still think of him as little Benny running around.
By lainie on Feb 22, 2008
Y’know mom, I thought the same thing about Maria too, that I make her cry
She is my favorite sister because she loves me so much but can’t show it 
But the truth is, I have NO memory of the scene you described before my wedding. Really, NO memory. Didn’t I stay in the hotel? Well, it doesn’t really matter anyway, I can’t remember much before I was married. For some reason, life started with Julie…-snicker-
I think it has something to do with faulty long term memory.
Lainie, my patriarchal blessing says nothing of the sort. It actually mentions something about “you’ll be lucky to make it past 30.” So…I feel lucky.
“Sainthood”?? OK, look, I stay up till 1a.m. on a sugar high, writing thoughts down that have taken about 2 years to finally form, and they mostly just paraphrase wiser and smarter people than me, and suddenly I’m a saint!?
Yikes, if that’s all it takes to be a saint, Ben Jr beat me to it before his second birthday (he knows how to use the computer better than Lily right now, scary).
I appreciate the thoughts though mom. All I wanted was to express myself about my family the way you did. not trying to turn this into a “no, you’re the best!” contest, so I’ll just say, your my parents, it’s all your fault!
Lainie, it’s just Benjamin (actually, just Luis), I’ve never started a rock’n'roll revolution, sung about blue suede anything, or worn a body length jumper suit with frills. At least not that I remember, some sugar highs I just wake up and hope nobody took pictures, cause I can’t remember nothing
And Buddy, I had no idea about Melissa. I’ve always thought highly of her and you know how I feel about you. I wish I could have seen more of your children grow up. Looking at the pictures of Jacob Ryan, I remember having him in the car with me after my mission, he was about 2, and we had the most funny conversation, though I can’t remember it. And then having dinner at your house that one Christmas, all four of them sitting at the table with HUGE smiles and looking about as excited as children could look. And now I have two of my own that are doing almost the exact same thing. And their mother means so much to them. Give Melissa my love, and tell her I’m just as big a dunce as the next guy.
And let me also say this, and I’m sure I speak for Maria too, “little” brother is no longer acceptable. I’m 33 with 2 kids…YOUNGER BROTHER is fine, but “little” left when I started paying for life insurance folks!
MOOOM, make them stop!
By ben on Feb 22, 2008
What did you say again Benny
By lainie on Feb 22, 2008
And don’t forget I am the one who named you. If you know the story. Also, as Maria puts it, Mother is the one that said your patriarchal blessing said you would live to be an old person and Maria said when it comes from Mom you have to first run it thru the “Mom filter”.
By lainie on Feb 22, 2008
I will tell you “Benjamin” a good story about Jacob. At Christmas Mellissa wanted us to make a gingerbread tree and I am not very meticulous and I was just throwing everything together and squirting icing here and there and Jacob finally stopped me and said “Aunt Lainie, Stop!!” and he proceeded to meticuously redo everything I had done and carefully piece by piece build the tree slowly and with the icing and make it perfect and I so enjoyed my time with him that I will never forget that experience.
By lainie on Feb 22, 2008
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it many times after. My beautiful children are who they are not BECAUSE of the Mom they have (the Dad…um…yes, probably) but in SPITE of the Mom that they have.
By mother on Feb 22, 2008
Ben, SURELY I didn’t make it up…about you jumping on Maria. And me yelling at you. I just Couldn’t have!!! Did you actually stay in the Hotel??Well, it was at that time that I was having problems with my brain. I mean, serious problems.
Maria can confirm or deny it.
And your words warmed my heart, and helped me feel better about my mother-hooding.
Also, I need to stop quoting stuff from other people’s Patriarchal Blessings. That’s just plain wrong of me. A Patriarchal Blessing is private. Especially if I get it all wrong. I apologize to you, Ben, for spreading rumors about your Blessing, and I shouldn’t do it in the first place. No wonder I get in so much trouble with Heavenly Father, and I don’t understand why?
By mother on Feb 22, 2008
That’s priceless
By ben on Feb 23, 2008