1048 Sunset Boulevard

“Kiss My Grist”

January 9, 2008 | Check-in

For some reason lately, I have found myself craving hot grits at least a couple of times a day. I dunno why, I guess I equate it with “comfort food.” I have eaten them occasionally over the last several years - Nancy, a born “yankee” who actually is a Southerner at heart (she prefers warm weather, and she loves movies and books about feisty southern dames, etc.) actually does a VERY good job of cooking them for me, almost as good as Mom used to make (I said “almost”, Mom, don’t have a conniption!)

I guess it doesn’t hurt that perhaps the largest purveyor of grits modern-day is Quaker Oats, a fine old Chicago company! We don’t have “Jim Dandy” here in Houston, and I really don’t see any other product here on the shelf at Kroger and Randall’s (the local version of Safeway). So Quaker Oats it is.

Some of you might remember the 70s sit-com “Alice,” featuring Alabama native Polly Holliday as “Flo”. “Kiss my grits” was her trademark retort.

And no, I didn’t actually misspell “grits.”

You see, we Polhemus kids were fortunate to have Mrs. Mary Ellen Lake Polhemus as our grandmother. G’mother Polhemus came from an old South Carolina family - her father was a physician - and she was incredibly “correct” in everything she said. She was a schoolteacher and used to having her word taken as law inside AND outside her home.

She would not permit anyone, esp. her grandchildren, to use the word “grits.” It was “hominy GRIST,” she told us, and only “hominy” was allowed to be used in short. Her tale is that the word “grits” was a corruption of “grist” that entered the language from, er, “African Americans in forced servitude” (she used a shorter term than that, which I’ll leave to your imagination).

It’s possible that’s true, and my dear departed grandmother’s sensibilities aside, lots of words have entered the language as a “corruption” of other words, like “banjo” (from the East African word mbanza) and “buckeroo” (from the Spanish vaquero) for example. So I don’t mind using “grits” for “grist of hominy”.

Anyway, my cravings have been tamed somewhat by keeping boxes of Quaker Oats Instant Grits in my desk. From time to time, as the cravings become too strong to ignore, I make my way to the coffee room where I mix them in the hot water on tap from the big coffee maker. Stir, let sit for a few, then enjoy all that ersatz Southern goodness!

“Like Mom used to make?” Hardly. Not even nearly as good as NANCY makes, but it’ll do when the cravings get to be too strong.

Hey, I don’t smoke, drink alcohol, gamble or go to strip clubs. My grits obsession is a small indulgence (and only 100 calories per serving, with no fat!)

Love to all, and I’ll keep on spoonin’ ‘em up!